A Surrogate’s Story

Shortly after my son was born in March of 1996, I was glancing thru the Penny Saver and saw an ad for Surrogate Mothers.  I’d never heard of such a thing!  I was really intrigued & it got me thinking that I might want to do that…

It was REALLY not the right time in my life at that point, for various reasons, so I filed the idea away in the back of my head… Fast forward to 2001, I finally found myself in a position to pursue surrogacy.

I applied, was accepted into the program & decided to try AI (Artificial Insemination) because after some careful consideration, I really didn’t think it would bother me to use my egg for this & also I really did not like the idea of putting all those hormones into my body if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. I worked with a couple living in Israel for about 9 months, they were truly wonderful people, they came to visit several times & we really enjoyed spending time together,  but never achieved a pregnancy, so eventually they decided to stop & we parted ways.  The agency matched me with a second couple, from Spain, which I was super excited to work with since I’d lived in Spain as a child & still speak decent Spanish… we had a phone call & some emails to get to know each other (yes, it IS kind of like a dating service!) but they ended up having impossible-to-solve Visa problems which meant he could never come to the US & we never even got to meet before we had to call it a day…

Third time’s a charm, right?  Wrong!  I was matched with a sweet couple from Colorado.  We tried about 4-5 times and they suddenly quit.  Trouble in paradise?  Who knows!  All I knew was I was getting SUPER frustrated that it wasn’t working.  I mean, I got pregnant with Kanan when I wasn’t even trying so WHY was this SO flippin’ hard??!

The agency made it clear that although none of the fertility doctors thought it was ‘my fault’ that I wasn’t getting pregnant, they felt if I did not switch to the IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) program, that it would be impossible to match me, as couples might see the lack of conception as a big risk, and since surrogacy is not cheap for them, I could understand them not wanting to take such a risk.  I was really not ready to give up on this dream after trying so hard & for nearly 3 years!  So I bit the bullet & switched to the IVF program.  I was matched quickly with a family from New York & everything moved along very fast.

During the summer, I went thru a mock-cycle so the doctors could make sure my body responded to the protocol correctly, and on our first try, we transferred 3 embryos right around Labor Day 2004.  Two of them stuck & I was pregnant with twins! (Something I had originally hoped to avoid by doing AI!  oh well!)

We did an Amnio about 4 months, so we knew they were both girls.  It was very smooth, once the morning sickness stage passed, the pregnancy was easy & I had LOTS of support.  My family was great!  I attended monthly meetings with other surrogates, one of which lived very close to me, so we became fast friends, carpooling to meetings & helping each other get to appointments & such… we are still friends to this day, sharing a very special bond that I think only women who’ve done this can really know…

Kanan’s Birthday party, March ’05

We had lots of lovely visits with my family & theirs, including a sweet baby shower where I was the guest of honor & my grandmother was invited, she was thrilled to be there & meet this family that I crazy enough to do this for!  We did ultrasounds, 4-D Video ultrasounds and it was a very exciting time!  I really enjoyed being pregnant once the first trimester sickies were over!  It was a picture perfect (other than some sleeping issues)!

Because I worked in a professional environment, there was a clothing allowance to buy a nice maternity wardrobe, so I enjoyed buying cute, girly maternity clothes, though none of them lasted very long because I got SO big!

Me & Great Uncle Bruno – I think my belly was bigger than his!

The family urged me to consider a planned C-Section, they’d had a close friend deliver twins naturally & one of the babies had some trauma, lost oxygen flow for a tad too long & was just ‘not quite right’ as a result. Although I really didn’t want to, as I felt I was up for a natural birth (even with twins!), but I conceded because in the end because these weren’t my babies, not my risk to take, you know?  How horrible would I have felt if I’d insisted on having my way & any little thing went wrong???

My lovely & talented cousin, Kristina did a mini photo shoot

So on May 12, 2005, we arrived at the hospital (the same one Kanan was born in, working with the same lovely doctor that delivered him) and with little fuss, two gorgeous & HEALTHY baby girls were born into this world.  My immediate family was there with me, my sister was in the OR & many others came to visit.  The new babies’ family also came from all over the states – it was great – we basically took over a whole wing of the maternity ward!

My sis, Kirstin, feeding me ice chips after the C-Section, I was SOOOOO itchy & thirsty!

Holding one of the twins after I got moved to a room & they were done in the nursery

Kanan meets the girls

Everyone was thrilled that all had gone so well, so very perfectly well.  That night, my mom stayed with me in the hospital, she insisted she would not leave me because suddenly after all the excitement died down, and the family had left for the night I went on this crazy crying jag & could seem to stop.  I’m sure she thought the worst, that I was depressed or having second thoughts or something like that… but even now, after all this time has passed, I think I was just overcome with joy that everything had gone well…  and yet sad/overwhelmed that the journey was over. It had been SO long coming, you know?  SO much time & energy spent to get there & it was over so quickly!  The twins left the hospital the next morning.  I got to hold them both several times & we all took lots of pictures, and the family made a point to come back the next night (since I was still in hospital) to say a proper good-bye.

It was tough, but only because it was over.  There was, of course, talk of future visits & pictures and words of love and appreciation said from both sides.  It truly was a perfect experience, I felt I could not have asked for more.

I did receive some pictures shortly after they got home, and again after their first birthday, time had FLOWN by that year (that’s a whole ‘nother post!) – it was truly unbelievable!  They were so cute & so grown up!   It would have been so nice to visit & see the new family ’in action’, but it seems that was not meant to be… our last contact was in 2007.

They just turned five a couple weeks ago and so I guess although there has not been any contact for quite some time, and I’ve never seen them again, it’s kind of impossible to not ‘be aware’ of them around Mother’s Day.  So here is my story.  I hope I’ve done it justice.  I know for me, it feels good to just know that I’ve FINALLY ‘put it down on paper’, so to speak.  Namaste, girls.  I wish you the best life you can have.

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